He acts so differently with them sometimes - sometimes he's not shouting, yelling, and cursing them for not doing what he expected. Sometimes he remembers to ask nicely, to show them appreciation and respect.
When that happens, I don't feel happy for them, as I feel I should, and I don't feel gratified that maybe forcing the issue was what helped him learn better manners.
I feel angry - that he couldn't act that way with me.
Although if I think back honestly, he did act that way often at the beginning of our marriage. He was then sometimes a lunatic Dr. Jekyll and other times Mr. Hyde, full of gentility and charm. It was only after years of debasing and abuse, years in which we both grew accustomed to the status quo and accepted it, that he didn't feel the need to be Mr. Hyde anymore.
Just yesterday the children commented to each other on how much crueler he can be with them as they get older. I guess he knows to put on the "Mr. Hyde" routine as he feels that he's losing his hold - first on me and now on them.
So, no - there's no need to rejoice for their sakes at this master performance of charm and good grace - because that's all it is, a performance to make sure that he doesn't lose his hold on them as he eventually lost it on me. If anything, it's all the more saddening.
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