Green with envy

OK, I'll admit it - I've been green with envy ever since I could spell my own name. Not so much for fancy toys or gadgets, but for "normal" happy families, like those of my classmates and school friends. Well, not all of them were picture perfect either, but all seemed better than mine.

Once I was finished with school, I was envious of so many friends who were married and expecting or having children - again, building that picture perfect family that I wanted so badly for myself.

While living in my own family-turned-horribleness, I became envious of divorced women. Now I find myself once again envious of all the picture perfect families surrounding me, involved with all their children's lives - whether married or not - and helping raise their grandchildren in (seeming) bliss.

Then it finally hit me - I know that happiness is acquired, doesn't happen on its own and can't be taken for granted. That means that it doesn't depend on life circumstances, either. Many of those other families that I see aren't really as picture perfect as they seem to be; they too are wrestling with their own serious issues. Those families that truly are brimming with love and respect still aren't truly happy, unless they make it their business to be.

Many happily marrieds still find plenty to complain about in their own lives. Their children married too early or too late. They have too many children or none at all. There is serious illness in the family. The marrieds don't follow the same path in life as their parents. The mother is anxious about any cough or sneeze.
The grocery ran out of their favorite breakfast cereal.

No matter what, one can always find what to gripe about and each one of us has to make the choice of happiness - or not. The fact of my isolation from some of my children needn't grant me the undisputed right to be unhappy. For me, too, this is my choice - or not. I don't have to focus my life perspective on the love I'm not receiving, and if I do, it's my own doing that is causing me to have a miserable existence on that account..

And why would anyone in their right mind make a choice to be miserable??
Now I know this in my mind, but it's not (yet) keeping my envy at bay.