They come by it honestly

It took me 25 long hard bitter years to realize that my dh was horribly abusive. It took me another 5 of giving my adult children the benefit of the doubt to decide that there isn't any longer any doubt - they've learned their lessons well from him and even better, how to cover it up. You see, there's a hard and fast rule that even abusers have their own red lines which they won't cross, behaviors that even they consider reprehensible. My dh was almost never physically abusive, but boy, was his mouth foul! So my children have gone a step further in covering their tracks - they don't shout, curse, or use vulgar language - and yet they are definitely abusive. But I'm sure they for sure wouldn't consider themselves as such.

Here are some recent examples:

Child A to Child B (with me present in the room): "How is it that we haven't yet taught Mommy to stop using these dishes? You'd think after so many of them breaking on account of our carelessness she'd get the message? Oh well, soon there won't be any left; then she'll understand. (If she doesn't replace them with the same ugly set all over again...)"

Child B throwing out a small piece of watermelon in front of my face, claiming it to be spoiled. (In actuality, it mars her sense of perfectionism to have small bits of unspoiled leftovers in the fridge.) My "don't" didn't make it out of my mouth before it landed straight in the garbage pail. Then she said - "oh, now Mommy's going to cry over that little piece of watermelon - look!" (Yes, I did start to cry from her thoughtlessness and non-caring attitude.)
Child A to me: You're always overly sensitive and take everything so personally!

Me to Child C: I prefer that one give a salutation of sorts before going out the front door.
Child C: Well, if I didn't, I guess it's because I didn't care to. And I'm too old for you to try to educate me now.

[Do these sound also to you as if they were taken straight from tape recorded sessions off their dad's records?]