A friend asked me today how emotionally supportive my children have been of me - I had to laugh! I'm lucky when they're not spitting vile comments my way, when they can agree to be moderately accepting of the fact that my tastes may differ from theirs and allow me that possibility without deriding me for it at the same time.
I've often wondered how strange or abnormal I must be if my parents, spouse, and adult children have problems accepting me for who I am, have difficulty even seeing me past their illusion of who they would want me to be.
My children and I have come a long way in a positive direction in the past couple of years, following my separation from their dad, but I feel that I must lay down new stiffer rules regarding their father's visitations and I fear what this may do to our fragile relationship. If I don't do this, I will wither away and nobody will ever know the real me, not even myself. If I do, I may be abandoned and scorned once again, left adrift to face the world's ugly turmoil all alone. But this is a chance I must take. Pray for me.
How brave of you to start this blog. I hope it will be a place that you can process your feelings and come to clarity. By choosing away from abuse, you are setting a precedent for yourself and your children. They will learn from you even from a distance. May you find the joy and peace within and as you walk that walk and choose the positive and the Light, that your children open, deepen and change. As the rebbe said, if you heal something for yourself, you bring light to the whole world.
ReplyDeleteGmr Chasima Tova!
thank you so much Laya for your continued support and love. amen.
ReplyDelete