Thanksgiving and gratitude

Now it is Sukkot, a time for thanksgiving and gratitude for all the everyday little things, that all together add up to big ones.

Thank G-d for the order of protection that allows me to finally live at peace in my own home, to sleep in my own bed in comfort and without fear, to sit at the head of my own table - albeit alone- without being disturbed. I didn't feel loneliness, only solitude. I read and contemplated finding meaning in life and in suffering and on the meaning of true happiness, that happiness doesn't come by itself but must be achieved.

Thank G-d for having acquired the fortitude and confidence to stick to my guns and not succumb to the pressure to give in - for that may well have been the prelude to giving up.

I had deliberated between eating by myself at home or eating as a guest at a friend's sukkah,where I had been invited. I'm glad I opted to stay home and delight in the peace and quiet of being in charge of my surroundings, of feeling "at home", at long last. Something that should never be taken for granted.

I thank G-d for having persevered through the turbulence of anger and mistrust, that I never did reach the point of actively evicting the children from their home (although so many well-meaning friends advised me to do just that). I thank G-d for having learned to hear my quiet "inner voice" and to trust it, to cultivate and strengthen it, listening to it even above the voices of "experts" all around.

The turbulence has lessened and I have become more inured to it, as well. In short - this too shall pass.